


Swiper, No Swiping!

by Sonnshine



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:13:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21844918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonnshine/pseuds/Sonnshine
Summary: The one in which Emily gets a lot of Tinder action and Lindsey realizes she can’t handle watching from the sidelines.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 22
Kudos: 191





	1. Chapter 1

Emily didn’t actually come out to Lindsey. There was no calculated moment, no nerve wracking heart-to-heart. Instead there she was one day, standing in Emily’s doorway, suddenly front row center to her mid-season hook up of the week. 

Needless to say, Lindsey’s jaw dropped and her feet stood planted to the spot as the two topless women on the couch separated and scrambled to redress. 

“If you live alone, why does she have a key?” The unfamiliar woman interrogated while adjusting the hem of her shirt and pointing toward Lindsey. 

“For emergencies,” Emily mumbled, clearly still flustered. 

“Well, you can lose my number. This has ex-girlfriend written all over it and I don’t do drama.”

Emily’s mouth opened as if she were going to protest, but no words came out as she watched her “date” walk passed Lindsey and out the door. 

“I’m sorry,” Lindsey apologized once they both took a moment to process what happened. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Emily insisted as she sat down at her dining table and motioned for Lindsey to grab a seat. “What’s up?” 

“I got another call up from the National Team. I came over to find out if you’d heard anything yet.”

Emily shook her head.

“My phone’s been charging in the other room and I was a bit...preoccupied,” she trailed off with a single, subtle glance between Lindsey and the couch. 

“Right. I didn’t know you were seeing someone. Regardless, I shouldn’t have assumed it was okay to just barge in like that.” 

“We weren’t really ‘seeing each other’ or whatever. You know we don’t really have a lot of time for dating.”

Lindsey nodded in understanding. 

“I’ll definitely knock next time.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Lindsey typically paid no mind to the sexual orientation of her teammates over the years. They all shared a love of the game, and beyond that whomever or whatever they loved was secondary. So she was more than a little thrown off by how preoccupied she became with determining how Emily identified. 

Suddenly she was analyzing their entire friendship history for hints of who Emily found attractive. Unfortunately, there were few memories to pull from on the subject. Somehow they’d avoided most topics that would have backed Emily into a corner in terms of “outting” herself. Whether it was strategic on her part or pure luck, well, that was yet another mystery. 

Lindsey could have just asked her. They’d been teammates for a while and they were becoming close friends. But then she’d have to explain why she wanted to know and that’s not something she felt prepared to answer. 

Instead she settled for observation, giving into her curiosity just the slightest bit without the risk of making it openly known that anything had changed for her after the awkward incident. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you want to grab dinner together?” Lindsey asked Emily after practice one day, viciously starving after a particularly brutal day of training. 

“Can’t,” Emily declined with a hint of guilt on her face, “I’m already meeting up with someone.” 

“Someone else from the team?” Lindsey had asked stupidly, not catching on right away. 

Emily’s feet visibly shuffled a little after they paused by Lindsey’s car 

“No uh...from Tinder.” 

That’s when it clicked for Lindsey. What she walked in on hadn’t been the first casual encounter, nor would it apparently be the last, that Emily had arranged. 

“Oh. No big deal then. See you tomorrow?” 

There was a flutter in Lindsey’s stomach as they parted ways, but if asked she would write it off as a side effect of hunger and definitely nothing else. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Emily continued to disappear off Lindsey’s radar at least once a week. It had probably been the case their entire friendship, yet she’d had no reason to notice before. Technically she had no sensical purpose for keeping close tabs on her now either. They still spent a lot of time together, enough that the occasional break should be welcome. Yet as soon as Lindsey became hyperaware of what Emily was getting up to in her free time she couldn’t let it go.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Have you ever used Tinder before?” Lindsey asked Caitlin out of the blue one day when they were grabbing coffee. 

“No. Why?” 

Lindsey had hoped the answer would be yes and instantly wanted to backpedal. It wouldn’t be right to discuss Emily’s business or the fact that her actions had inspired the question. 

“I’ve been thinking about it,” she settled on revealing. 

“Are you looking for something casual or something serious?” Caitlin inquired with a raised eyebrow. 

“I need a distraction...so, casual?” 

“A distraction from what exactly?”

There was no chance Lindsey was ready to unpack the real answer to that question either. 

“It’s complicated. I think I’m going to do it though,” Lindsey asserted while loading her App Store, determined to move forward while she had an audience who could keep her accountable to the plan. 

“Please be careful. You’ll tell me if you’re going to actually meet up with any strange guys, right?” 

“Yeah, of course,” she agreed without pause. 

The truth was, she didn’t intend to use it to meet guys at all. But that was yet another topic she couldn’t bring herself to discuss openly with Caitlin, or anyone for that matter. 

~~~~~~~~~~

It took Lindsey a week after setting up a profile to be courageous enough to start swiping. Although courage would be a loose interpretation of what it actually was that inspired the first plunge. Once she figured out Emily had arranged another meet up for herself through the app, the inexplicable jealousy that panged through her became unbearable. She wanted, no scratch that, needed to prove that it was a jealousy toward the fact that Emily had getting laid down to a science. It wasn’t a jealousy about the fact that strangers could have Emily in a way she couldn’t. That would be ridiculous.

~~~~~~~~~~

The first match’s name was Rebekah. They were online at around the same time as evidenced by how quickly they matched. She had five photos and a minimalistic blurb on her profile making it clear she wasn’t looking for any type of commitment. It amazed Lindsey how fast the other woman was willing to message her and arrange meeting face-to-face. Actually showing up was where the real bravery had to kick in.

They met at a bar downtown by the river. There was live music, typical of a Saturday night, and the patrons seemed distracted enough that Lindsey was comfortable putting down the hood of her sweater without fear of recognition. Lindsey paid for their drinks as they made small talk and gauged whether there was enough of a connection to escalate their evening together. 

Rebekah was attractive by traditional standards but her personality was falling flat for Lindsey. It wasn’t until she was through her second drink that she realized it was because she was comparing her to Emily. They still left the bar together, but only got as far as the entrance of Rebekah’s apartment before Lindsey panicked and pushed the other woman away from the rough kiss that had been laid on her as she was pressed against the back of the front door. 

“I can’t do this,” she explained while reaching for her phone to request an Uber. It took her a couple extra tries to accomplish the task, as the alcohol previously consumed was enough to affect her coordination slightly. 

“You sure?” Rebekah asked with a smirk as she began removing articles of clothing to keep Lindsey’s attention. “You’ve been way too tense tonight, babe. Let me take care of that.” 

Rebekah moved in closer to Lindsey again as she peeked down at her phone, seeing that her driver was still ten minutes away due to it being peak hours. 

“One night. That’s it, right?” Lindsey questioned with her finger hovering over the cancel button on the Uber app. 

Rebekah covered Lindsey’s hand with her own, encouraging it downward to complete the task while leaning forward to whisper in her ear. 

“Forget Uber. I’ve got your ride right here.” 

~~~~~~~~~~

To say Lindsey was shook when she got home the next day would be an understatement. She’d been tipsy the night before, but not drunk. Rebekah had taken care of her as promised, and then some. Still - realizing she’d actually slept with a woman, also a complete stranger, - was a lot to wrap her head around. She needed to talk about it with someone. It couldn’t be Emily, so instead she called Tobin. 

“Hello?” Tobin answered after the fifth ring. 

“Hey. Can you spare a few minutes?” 

“Sure. Christen is over at Nike for a bit so I’m just chillin until she gets home. What’s up?”

“I did something pretty stupid but oddly don’t regret it,” Lindsey began to explain. 

“Did this stupid thing involve you getting injured?” Tobin responded with a concerned tone. 

“No. Nothing like that. You know how much I love to play. I’d never want to compromise that on purpose.” 

“What is it then?” 

“I maybe kinda sorta hookedupwithawomanIliterallyjustmetonTinder.” Lindsey confessed at a speed that left most of her words too jumbled to decipher. 

“Want to try that again?” Tobin teased, trying to lighten the mood for an obviously anxious Lindsey. 

“I spent the night with a woman I met on Tinder,” Lindsey elaborated, this time at a reasonable pace. 

“You lied then? You definitely could have been injured pulling a stunt like that. She could have been a serial killer!” Tobin scolded, although there was still a hint of playfulness to her tone. 

Lindsey chuckled, knowing she had chosen the right person to tell, because Tobin made light of her stress and wouldn’t press her about anything related to her sexuality. 

“I do feel lucky to be alive. She was a bit of an odd ball. But she was kind enough to make me breakfast this morning before kicking me out of her life.” 

“Obviously not a soccer fan or she may not have set you free so easily.” 

“Worst nightmare. Already thinking I might delete my profile.” 

“Why not try meeting someone organically? I know it’s not easy with a schedule like ours but for a few of us, it’s paid off.” 

“Some of us are more hesitant than others to pick a person to date based on going down the National Team roster,” Lindsey poked fun at Tobin to ease her own concerns about the crush on her other Thorns teammate that she’s purposefully in denial about. 

“You were the one who came looking for my advice. Can’t blame me for pulling directly out of personal experience.” 

Tobin had a point, of course. Relationships between teammates happened all the time. But the problem was Lindsey never expected to want that for herself.


	2. Chapter 2

The inevitability of what happened next should’ve occurred to Lindsey, except it hadn’t. 

“So I saw something interesting the other day,” Emily told Lindsey as they were being seated at their favorite weekend brunch spot. 

“If this is another one of your stories about soccer squirrels by the waterfront, I’m gonna have to stop you there,” Lindsey joked as they settled in across from one another. 

“It’s far more fascinating than soccer squirrels, Linds. Here, let me show you.”

Emily brought up her camera roll and scrolled over until she found the screenshot she wanted to share. 

“See? Someone is posing as you on Tinder.” 

Lindsey knew before looking down at the screen that she was about to see her own, real profile. And she had never felt more grateful to be interrupted by the waitress who came over to take their drink orders. Too bad she didn’t stick around for long. 

Emily had pulled her phone back and set it on the table between when the waitress showed up and left. 

“Uh, actually. It is me,” Lindsey confessed, not seeing the point in trying to cover up the truth.

The genuine surprise Emily felt at the revelation was written on her face.

“So this isn’t a catfish profile?” 

Lindsey shook her head.

“I signed up a few weeks ago.” 

“That’s...unexpected.” 

To a degree, Lindsey was offended. If Emily was using an app to hook up with anyone under the sun, why couldn’t she? 

“Why is it so hard to believe?” Lindsey demanded in a hushed voice, letting some of her frustration show without causing a scene. 

“I just...I thought you were straight,” Emily whispered, cheeks flushed from embarrassment. 

“Oh,” was the only word that crossed Lindsey’s lips as she saw another perspective she hadn’t considered.

She’d overlooked the fact that Emily wouldn’t have seen her profile in the first place if her settings were fixed to only connect with men. But Emily knew how it worked, and ultimately that was the part that caught her off guard.

“I thought you were straight, too,” Lindsey added after a pause, finally addressing what had been on her mind since the first event that provided hard evidence to the contrary. 

“Have you considered taking your gaydar to the repair shop? I’ve been out since high school.” 

A hint of a smile tugged at Lindsey’s lips as she resisted the laugh that threatened to burst out. 

“I tried. Turns out chronic obliviousness has no cure.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing changed right away, and that’s what bothered Lindsey the most. After Emily’s initial shock at learning that she was at least bisexual, they carried on as normal. There were no hints that Emily felt even a fraction of the unease Lindsey had felt when their positions had been reversed. That was apparently the difference between being out your entire adult life or having a quarter life crisis where you begin to question everything you know about yourself. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Although Lindsey had all but promised Tobin she’d reconsider connecting with people through her phone, she found herself falling back into the trap on a particularly dull Friday night. It was only swiping, she rationalized with herself. It wasn’t a commitment to having sex with a stranger again. Except that’s exactly what happened. 

This match’s name was Chelsea. Where Rebekah’s vibe had been sexy and assertive, Chelsea’s was cute and reserved. Definitely the type of nerd who was too buried in books to watch sports. A safe bet to assume she’d have no clue Lindsey’s a professional athlete. And she didn’t. 

Their evening started off a lot more like a traditional date, meeting for dinner at a bowling alley where they managed to get through two games before Lindsey invited Chelsea over to her place. 

It took about five minutes, in the span of which Lindsey had nervously asked Chelsea if she could get her anything to drink at least three times, for her to realize she was the one between them expected to take the lead - and she couldn’t have been less prepared. 

There was no alcohol in her system. No real experience to draw from (being told what to do by someone who knew exactly what they wanted last time barely counted). And certainly not enough information from the short time they’d spent together to pick up on what the other woman was into without outright asking. Lindsey would have preferred getting run over by the team bus than attempting that conversation. 

“Aren’t you going to show me your room?” Chelsea asked in a tone that sounded far too innocent for the suggestive nature of the question. 

“Yeah. I mean, of course,” Lindsey continued to stumble, although if there were visible signs of her distress Chelsea appeared unfazed by them. 

Somehow Lindsey managed to pull it together after an extensive inner pep talk, her reward being two orgasms and a phone number she 100% would not be using. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The following day Lindsey, Caitlin, and Ellie got together at Emily’s apartment for a movie night. They started with Shrek, needing something light to unwind from the week. By the time the credits rolled, Ellie and Emily were arguing over which film to watch next, so Caitlin slid over closer to Lindsey on the couch to catch up with her while the others were distracted. 

“You never told me if you ended up using the app,” Caitlin remarked as she saw the Tinder icon amongst the many others where Lindsey was looking down at her phone screen. 

Lindsey shrugged.

“Kinda.” 

“How do you only ‘kinda’ hook up with someone?” Caitlin wondered aloud, unfortunately a bit louder than she’d realized.

“Who’s Horan banging?” Ellie asked suddenly, coming around the back of the couch to hover over their shoulders, thinking there may be a picture from the way her two teammates appeared focused toward Lindsey’s phone. Emily took advantage of the topic change to grab the DVD she wanted, keeping her distance, although she still listened intently for Lindsey’s response. 

“Does it matter? I’m not seeing her again.” 

By the time Lindsey realized the slip up it was too late. And just like that she was out to two more people.

~~~~~~~~~~

Lindsey yawned as she helped Emily clean up after Caitlin and Ellie left. Somehow she was always the one who got conned into cleaning Emily’s apartment, as if she also lived there. She didn’t have it in her to leave without offering after the habit was formed though. 

“You all right?” Emily checked in after they both collapsed onto the couch from exhaustion. Throwing popcorn at each other in boredom during the third movie had seemed like a great idea until it came time to pick it all up. 

“Hmm?” Lindsey only half-responded, clearly in a bit of a daze.

“You’ve seemed kinda out of it since getting the third degree from the Aussies,” Emily observed.

Lindsey let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t know how you do it, Sonn.” 

“Do what?” 

“Have so many one night stands,” Lindsey clarified, finally addressing the topic that had been at the forefront of her mind for way too long. 

“Well, sometimes it’s more than one time. Still nothing serious.” 

Lindsey glared ever-so-slightly.

“You knew what I meant. I don’t think I’m cut out for casual sex.” 

“It’s not what I want either,” Emily revealed, looking into Lindsey’s eyes empathetically. 

Lindsey was rather taken aback by the confession. 

“It’s not?”

Emily shook her head. 

“Nope. Don’t get me wrong - the sex is great sometimes. But my longest relationship only lasted six months and was more than three years ago. Meanwhile, my twin sister is engaged and gives off the full appearance of having her shit together.” 

Lindsey’s mood involuntarily turned hopeful, but she suppressed it before her imagination had the opportunity to wander too far. 

“I know it’s our job to be focused on winning most of the time, but when it comes to relationships I don’t think we’ll come out ahead if we continue treating it like a contest.”


	3. Chapter 3

Lindsey knows that she is being a coward about addressing her feelings. Emily is openly gay. Emily wants to be with someone who can handle the craziness of her life enough to try a relationship. Emily hasn’t been on anymore “dates” since they talked about it. 

There’s also the fact that Emily had swiped right when she saw Lindsey’s profile. Lindsey knows this because she spent nearly a half hour swiping through other women to find Emily. They matched immediately. But it was possible Emily only did it to tell off the potential catfish, and of course that’s what Lindsey’s insecurity leads her to believe. 

It doesn’t help that they’re at a particularly critical part of the season with the Thorns being in a close-call shield race with the damned Courage again. They clinched a win to tie for first the week prior, and with the next game being against the fourth place Royals, keeping up in points certainly isn’t going to be handed to them. Emily’s focus is crucial to their back line. Anything that Lindsey could say to compromise her mental state is out of the question.

~~~~~~~~~~

Portland ends up drawing with Utah 1-1, despite both teams being hungry for 3 points. They have one more game against Sky Blue before entering a bye week, and the “break” couldn’t come at a better time. Afterward they’ll have to face the Reign and the Courage only one week apart, so anything to give them the opportunity to sharpen their minds and rehabilitate their bodies while they train for their biggest competition is appreciated. 

The lack of travel leads to Lindsey co-existing in Emily’s apartment a majority of the bye week. They fall into their normal routine - sharing meals before training, commuting together, and unwinding in the evening with whatever movie they’ll agree to put on. It’s also how Lindsey learns that Emily deleted Tinder off her phone before she would have gotten the notification that they matched. All hopes of it being used as a conversation starter are dashed.

~~~~~~~~~~

After a frustrating 2-3 loss to the Courage, Lindsey is filled with disappointment, so she decides setting herself up for a little more can’t do a whole lot more damage. 

She asks Emily to take a Lyft with her to Ground Kontrol, despite alcohol being essentially off limits and classic video games being a weakness of hers, because she wants to be transported back to simpler times. Lindsey pays their cover and they head upstairs to a line of pinball machines where it’s less crowded. 

“Low Score buys the first drink?” Lindsey proposes, stopping in front of a Star Wars-themed pinball machine. 

“You mean the only drink, right? There’s no way I’m putting anything stronger than a single beer into my body this close to playoffs.” 

Lindsey shrugs as she prepares to launch the first pinball. 

“It’s all right to admit that you’re broke after taking out all those other girls,” Lindsey teases. 

Emily huffs as Lindsey’s first ball quickly goes out and she moves onto her second. 

“In order for me to be worried about my bank account I’d have to actually believe there’s a threat for me to lose.” 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Lindsey is quite possibly the worst at pinball of anyone Emily has ever met. Enough so that, if she didn’t know any better, she would have guessed she already had a couple drinks in her system. Needless to say, she clinches an easy victory. However, before Lindsey can attempt to order them anything at the bar, Emily grabs the sleeve of her hoodie to redirect them outside. 

They walk around the corner and go down about a block to get away from the line of people on the sidewalk. 

“I know we had a tough loss tonight, but drinking isn’t going to take those 3 points back,” Emily reasons. 

Lindsey lets out a deep sigh as she leans against the wall of the building behind them. 

“You’re not wrong,” she replies dejectedly. 

“Is something else bothering you?” Emily pries after a beat of silence passes between them. 

Lindsey considers lying but resolves to a nod instead. 

“Can we talk at my place?” She asks softly while pulling out her phone to request their ride back.

Emily is exhausted, and can see the same in her teammate’s eyes, but she agrees anyway. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Lindsey prepares them some tea when they’re back at her apartment, partially to keep them awake, and partially to buy her some more time before coming out with what she needs to say. Emily is patient with her, intuitive enough to pick up on the fact that there’s something important plaguing her best friend’s mind. 

Lindsey eventually joins Emily on the living room couch, placing both tea mugs on coasters so they can cool off.

“I have been waiting for a better time to bring this up but I don’t think there’s going to be one. It seems like our lives are in constant motion, and there’s no point pretending they’re going to slow down.” 

“Whatever it is, I’m here to support you,” Emily reassures her.

“I don’t know if you remember what it was like to process your first gay crush, but it’s been a lot for  
me to digest. It has taken me so long to figure out what to say or do about it. Especially knowing how much we’ll still have to be around each other if she doesn’t feel the same way,” Lindsey confesses, looking directly into Emily’s eyes, hoping she will read between the lines. 

Emily’s eyebrows furrow and it’s clear that she’s deep in thought, carefully considering what Lindsey is telling her.

“Me?” is the most Emily can find the words to say when she thinks she’s figured it out. 

“You,” Lindsey confirms softly, her gaze dropping to the decorative pillow wedged between the couch and Emily’s back. 

She’s confused when she hears Emily’s body shift and subsequently feels herself being enveloped in a hug. It’s not one of the reactions she imagined and she doesn’t know what it means. All she can do is return the embrace and pray it’s not the beginning of an apology. Thankfully, it’s not. 

Lindsey doesn’t realize how close Emily’s mouth has gotten to her ear until she speaks directly into it. 

“Please stop worrying. It’s mutual, has been mutual, for a long time.” 

Lindsey pulls back at that, needing to make eye contact to see the sincerity behind Emily’s words. There’s nothing reluctant or uncertain about the way she’s looking at her. 

“I didn’t think I’d have a chance,” Lindsey whispers.

“Neither did I,” Emily whispers back before leaning in slowly to test if Lindsey will close the gap for a kiss. 

And she does.


End file.
